OK. Yeah, I said it. I guess I am the only person in the entire United States...wait, the Olympics are the whole world..OK, I am the only person in the ENTIRE WORLD who finds the Olympics
stultifyingly (is too a word, spellchecker. or should be.) boring. I must be, because everyone is talking about how they are watching the Olympics for hour after hour after (yawn) hour and some are even
DVRing the events so they won't miss any.
DVRing, people.
Please. Heaven forbid you should miss...well, I almost mentioned one of the sports but then I'll get an email from someone whose sister is an avid some-sort-of-ball athlete who pulled herself out of a life of poverty with her mad
skilz, so I won't mention any of the mind-numbingly boring events
cough*synchronizeddiving*cough.
Now, before you get all up in my face, let me say that I have watched the Olympics. I watched almost the entire opening ceremony. And, like, when do you think those people started practicing for that thing? The day they announced Beijing was the site? Because, man. They had DONE SOME PRACTICING.
And I know that it's the pinnacle of success for an athlete and it's all about the athletes bonding and can't everyone just get along and I know there are inspiring stories coming out every day and I do admire that woman who is a swimmer who is in her 40's and has a 2-year old but still. It's
booooooring.
So, here is what I have decided.
I have a new sport to propose to the Olympic committee.
Shopping.I could TOTALLY win a gold medal at this. We could have the eliminations at the mall and you would have to find an item marked at least 50% off and you would get extra points if it was an additional 25% off JUST THAT DAY. Speed, of course, would be an issue so you would get extra points for finding a bathing suit that actually fits and looks good but is on sale BEFORE THE FOURTH OF JULY. In 30 minutes or less. Bonus points if it looks good even without one of those little skirts.
You would get more points for finding a perfect pair of ruby colored slides to match that dress you got for 50% off - points would be lost for trying to pass off a crimson pair.
More points for finding sleeping pants that fit, look cute and DON'T SHRINK IN THE WASHER. Even more points for finding a halter dress that looks good but does not
smoosh the back fat into unattractive rolls.
These are important skills, people. Much more important than wearing a bikini to stand in the sand and hit a ball over a net.
And now I have angered all the beach volleyball fans.
Bring it on. I challenge you to find the last hot pink pair of
capris in the store in your size ON CLEARANCE.
You would be LUCKY to get a bronze.
Check out my Herald-Leader post today at: On The Patio At Cheapside Bar and Grill