Drool Is So Sexy

Dribble. Drool. Slaver. Slabber. Drivel. These are all synonyms for slobber. But slobber is my favorite. It is also a problem for me. I seem to have...dare I say it...overactive salivary glands. Am I the only one with this problem? My mouth secrets so much dang saliva that I could fill up a swimming pool. Only...ewwww.

Am I the only one who salivates so much that sometimes when I say something, saliva just shoots out like it's coming from a tiny fireman's hose? I'm not talking about how, sometimes, when you talk you might get a little saliva along with your "p's", I'm talking about a little jet that I have to wipe off my lip.

And am I the only one who actually drools on myself? On books. On desks. On the bathroom counter. I can't tell you the number of times I drooled on my desk at school when I was a kid. I'd be listening to the teacher, I guess with my mouth hanging open a little (surprisingly, I was never diagnosed as learning-impaired) and, presto, drool on my desk! You would think this something I would grow out of, but you would be wrong! Just this morning, I was leaning in close to finish my eye makeup and, you know it!, drool on the bathroom sink.

I used to seriously drool on my pillow at night. Have you seen the movie "Galaxy Quest" and remember the part where Tim Allen wakes up and there is drool on the couch? Yeah, that was me. For some reason, that issue resolved itself. I haven't noticed a nighttime drooling issue for a while. Unless my husband is causing me to drool, that is. He has actually had to wipe drool off his face before when we were in bed together. But that was his fault, not mine. I am perfectly innocent. He MADE me drool.

And then there is the issue of my brain sending a message to my mouth about some particularly appetizing food. Like a chocolate iced doughnut. Uh, I meant a piece of cold summer watermelon. Yeah, watermelon. If I am hungry...OK, that's a lie. I don't even have to be really hungry. Just sometimes, the thought of some food will make my mouth fill with saliva. So fast that I can actually feel a little pinch as the saliva jets out of whatever area in your gums or that place that creates slobber.

So, what about it? Am I the only one looking at a mini pool of slobber on my bathroom counter? On my computer desk? On my arm? Please tell me I'm not the only one.