Thursday, June 21, 2007

MY Ten Commandments of Driving

So you heard the Vatican issued Ten Commandments of Driving, right? Seriously. Stop laughing, I am not kidding. They bring up some things that some of you may not have thought of before - You shall not kill. Really? Up to this point, many of us thought that was OK. But, really. Do we need those ten commandments? After all, I have ten that are much better.

1. Thou shalt not blast rap music from the windows of your vehicle which cause the middle-aged librarian in the car beside you to have bleeding ears.

2. Thou shalt not park sideways and take up two or three parking spaces even if you have a new car, even if it is a sports car, even if it is an expensive car. Seriously. We don't care. Take one space.

3. Thou shalt not leave your turn signal on for miles and miles and miles when you have no intention of turning or merging.

4. Thou shalt not park in the fire lane in front of the grocery store because you are "just going to run in for a minute". It's a fire lane, dorkwad.

5. Thou shalt not pull out driving 30 miles an hour into oncoming traffic which is going 60 miles an hour. They might stop. They might not.

6. Thou shalt merge. Seriously. Merge. Don't stop. Merge.

7. Thou shalt not tailgate if the driver in front of you is not going the speed limit. It's a speed limit, not a speed requirement. Give them a chance to get out of your way.

8. Thou shalt not talk on your cell phone in the car. Period. There is no phone call that can't wait until you get there. Unless it is a real emergency. If you are laughing hysterically into the phone, it is not an emergency. Hang up.

9. Thou shalt slow down when the weather is bad. You may not be able to go as fast as you normally do. Deal with it.

10. Thou shalt not make rude hand gestures when someone's son who is just learning to drive merges over without a signal. You had plenty of room. What would your mother think of that gesture?

11. (Because I can.) Thou shalt be a good, careful, courteous, friendly driver who lets others pull out and gives a friendly wave, observes the speed limit, never tailgates, merges correctly, moves over for emergency vehicles, and makes driving safely a priority. Or thou shalt stay home.


sarah said...

This is so funny...but I do talk on my cell phone...shame! Plus once or twice I have looked down and noticed my turn signal and thought "now when in the hell did I turn that on??"

Also...I love the new top of your page! So cute!!

Lucy's Mom said...

I agree with every word and then some. I try not to do any of those things but I must admit, I have talked on the cell phone when driving. And it wasn't an emergency!

Barbara said...

I like your commandments the best (sorry, Pope!). I often wondered if I could sue for hearing loss at a stop light. And who do you sue - the city, the kid. Ahhhhhhh - but revenge is sweet, and that kid probably won't be able to hear when he's 30! And they still haven't invented a decent hearing aid after all these years!