Thursday, December 30, 2010

You Want WHAT At The Grocery?

Now, to fully appreciate this post, you have to understand that my husband loves his iPhone.

Like, LOVES. IT.

It is his favorite thing, next to the TV remote that allows him to skip in 30-second increments past the commercials. Which sounds really good except when I might actually want to SEE a commercial which is rare but does happen. Don't even get me started on how much I love the guy kissing the giraffe commercial.

WHAT? You haven't seen it? That's OK because with the magic that is The Google Machine, I can show it to you.

You KNOW that is hilarious. But. I hardly ever get to see it because of the 30-second skip.

Anyway. The iPhone.

Instead of just making a grocery list using pen and paper like most NORMAL people, he insists on emailing his grocery list to me. Which means I have to get out MY iPhone (of course I have one, my whole frakkin' family has one) and read my email at the grocery store so I can find out what he wants me to buy. This used to be a real pain in the ass but I have gotten used to it now.

So when I was at the grocery the other day, I got out my iPhone and checked his grocery list. Usually he just has a few things on it like ice cream and orange juice but this list looked exceptionally long. I started reading through it and was surprised he wanted so many things, including every kind of battery made and then I saw it.

Bok Choy.

And I knew something was wrong. I'm not saying he doesn't eat vegetables but the likelihood of him putting Bok Choy on his grocery list is right up there with...well. Him making a pen and paper grocery list for me. In other words. Pretty remote.

I read further down and finally had to call him. "Have you looked at the grocery list you sent me"?

Come to find out, he had accidentally sent me the entire list of groceries available on the grocery list making app.

This does not happen when you use pen and paper. When you use pen and paper you only get a list of what you actually want at the grocery. Which, while theoretically might include Bok Choy? Probably does not.

But I don't think it will discourage his iPhone use one iota. Not one teeny iota.

He just might have to pay more attention when he is making his grocery list instead of busily skipping through commercials.

And just let me watch that precious giraffe.

Oh, go on and watch it again.

You know you want to.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

True Love

I was just watching some of those Christmas jewelry store commercials on TV. You know, the ones where the guy is all romantic and presents his girl with some beautiful bauble in some beautifully perfect setting with perfect lighting and she's all moved and emotional.


That will never happen to me.


He came home today and broke the ice off the front porch with his workboots and went and got the mail and gave it to me so I wouldn't go outside and fall and break my tookus.

And that's pretty damn cool too.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I Totally Think He Could Fly A Helicopter If He Just Had A Little Time to Familiarize Himself with the Controls.

So, with all this Arctic-like weather we have been having, Tom decided to stay home and work the other day. I find this very pleasant, him working at the dining room table with blueprints spread everywhere as I tap away on my computer keys in the adjoining living room. It's quite cozy.

He was making a phone call at some point, though, that made me remove my nimble fingers from the keys and just listen. It was something like this. "You have to program the gizmo and hook it to the doohicky and then run it through the flux capacitor or it just won't work".

Um. Yeah. I have no idea what he was talking about. But the point is, that he did. He knows all kinds of stuff about how things work and how to put things together. We were watching TV the other night and the characters were concerned because their walkie-talkie was not working. The guy said he could make the GPS in the walkie work and he asked for a piece of gum. Tom said casually "He's going to use the gum wrapper to make a connection". And the guy took the gum wrapper and made a connection so the GPS would work. Just like frakkin' MacGyver.

Seriously? Who knows stuff like that? My husband, that's who. He could figure out how to make anything work, he could probably build a log cabin and he knows all about guns.

So here's the thing. He is absolutely the perfect person to have around when the Zombie Apocalypse comes.

And I? I can write a story about having hot chocolate at the Eiffel Tower or teach some kids how to use the library - hardly important jobs when the zombies come.

I thought seriously about this the other night and we discussed it and he agreed that when they ask him to help deal with the Zombie Apocalypse?

His one condition is that I come along.

And that right there?

Is precisely one of the reasons why we stay married.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Just Say No To Candy Cane Hersey Kisses

First, let me say that the whole point of this post was the Candy Cane Hershey Kisses so I used the Google Machine and this is what it told me.

Showing results for candy cane hershey kisses. Search instead for candy cane hersey kisses

Seriously? It wants me to search for hersey kisses instead. The name of the company is HERSHEY, Google. Get with it.

And also? Who knew that Hersey made so many different holiday kisses? Mint truffle? Cherry cordial creme? GOOD LORD.

So, in case you haven't guessed, I haven't been to Yoga class in about six weeks. I do have a pretty good excuse, as I have been gallivanting all over Europe. Although I have been back for a couple of weeks. And could probably have squeezed in a class or two in between my numerous radio interviews.

Oh, yes. I am totally a radio personality now. Although I am getting mixed responses: one host kept me on for 45 minutes and the other axed me after about 5. So, basically the first host is the one with the good taste. Of course.

So, gallivanting. I have also not been to my Weight Watcher class in about six weeks as well. Same excuse, although now I can add to that the fact that we changed debit cards and the Weight Watcher online site does not like my new card and tells me I will have to re-enroll. And, apparently, while I was gallivanting (I LOVE that word), Weight Watcher changed their entire program so I will have to relearn how many points all my favorite items contain. Like M & M Blizzards.

Um. I mean apples. Yeah. Apples.

So, while all this unhealthy living is going on and my butt spreads wider and wider because of the lack of exercise and the lack of Weight Watcher accountability, I just found Candy Cane Hershey Kisses at Target the other day.

I idly noticed them while I was in line and I thought (seriously) those would look really pretty in my candy dish for Christmas! All striped and candy-cane like and all. So I bought them.

You know the expression about the road to hell, right?

I put those kisses in my candy dish. So pretty! Just perfect.

Then I decided I might just try one.

And this was my downfall.

One led to two then ten and then the entire bag was gone.

Then I made the mistake of putting on Facebook how good those little suckers were and Tom is all "Oh, Candy Cane Hershey Kisses? Can I have some?".



Because I ate them all.

So, I went to Yoga class today and Weight Watchers and I'm all serious about getting healthy and weight loss and stuff.

Oh, who am I kidding.

I went to Kroger and bought two bags of Candy Cane Hershey Kisses.

Because I'm afraid when he eats one, he'll want to share my bag.

No way sucker.

Eat your own bag.