Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Olympics Are A Little...Boring

OK. Yeah, I said it. I guess I am the only person in the entire United States...wait, the Olympics are the whole world..OK, I am the only person in the ENTIRE WORLD who finds the Olympics stultifyingly (is too a word, spellchecker. or should be.) boring. I must be, because everyone is talking about how they are watching the Olympics for hour after hour after (yawn) hour and some are even DVRing the events so they won't miss any. DVRing, people.

Please. Heaven forbid you should miss...well, I almost mentioned one of the sports but then I'll get an email from someone whose sister is an avid some-sort-of-ball athlete who pulled herself out of a life of poverty with her mad skilz, so I won't mention any of the mind-numbingly boring events cough*synchronizeddiving*cough.

Now, before you get all up in my face, let me say that I have watched the Olympics. I watched almost the entire opening ceremony. And, like, when do you think those people started practicing for that thing? The day they announced Beijing was the site? Because, man. They had DONE SOME PRACTICING.

And I know that it's the pinnacle of success for an athlete and it's all about the athletes bonding and can't everyone just get along and I know there are inspiring stories coming out every day and I do admire that woman who is a swimmer who is in her 40's and has a 2-year old but still. It's booooooring.

So, here is what I have decided.

I have a new sport to propose to the Olympic committee.


I could TOTALLY win a gold medal at this. We could have the eliminations at the mall and you would have to find an item marked at least 50% off and you would get extra points if it was an additional 25% off JUST THAT DAY. Speed, of course, would be an issue so you would get extra points for finding a bathing suit that actually fits and looks good but is on sale BEFORE THE FOURTH OF JULY. In 30 minutes or less. Bonus points if it looks good even without one of those little skirts.

You would get more points for finding a perfect pair of ruby colored slides to match that dress you got for 50% off - points would be lost for trying to pass off a crimson pair.

More points for finding sleeping pants that fit, look cute and DON'T SHRINK IN THE WASHER. Even more points for finding a halter dress that looks good but does not smoosh the back fat into unattractive rolls.

These are important skills, people. Much more important than wearing a bikini to stand in the sand and hit a ball over a net.

And now I have angered all the beach volleyball fans.

Bring it on. I challenge you to find the last hot pink pair of capris in the store in your size ON CLEARANCE.

You would be LUCKY to get a bronze.

Check out my Herald-Leader post today at: On The Patio At Cheapside Bar and Grill


Anonymous said...

LOL! I stopped watching the Olympics years ago.It's just not very stimulating and I tend to fall asleep within 5 min of it starting. Maybe I am the only one in the world not watching at all?

Mekhismom said...

I don't watch the Olympics either. I used to watch but I stopped long ago. I did dvr the opening ceremony and have yet to watch the whole thing. I do like your idea for a shopping competition.

Kim said...

Mrs. Who, you can sign me up for it!! I would bring home the gold everytime!!!

Bobbi said...

You make me feel so much better about not watching the Olympics! I have DVRd the gymnastics - but I ended up FF thru most of them. Anything I need to see, I can catch on the wrap-up shows, or by Googling.

Lucy's Mom said...

And here I was feeling so guilty because I seem to keep falling asleep in front of the TV EVERY night lately. I do fall asleep there fairly frequently, but not every damn night. I was beginning to think there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm just bored. You think??

sarah said...

Oh you all are CRAZY!! I LOVE the Olympics!! And the synchronized diving is AMAZING!! Sigh...I guess you just don't feel the love...

Leeuna said...

Olympic shopping event?! Now that's something I would watch and or participate in. Where can we sign up for it?
Hubby has been glued to the tv for days now. Personally I find it sort of boring too. I'm not a big fan of sports. The opening ceremony was fantastic though.

Who's Your Audience said...

My hubby is mad because the Olympics are not live. Yes, he wants to get up at 2:00 a.m. to watch curling (oh wait, that's Winter Olympics...but you get the idea). All I know is the Chinese women's team is illegally young and anorexic and that some guy keeps winning gold medals because he swims like a dolphin and has big feet. Shop on, my sister!

Wep said...

OMG first of all your comment on my blog made me laugh the aforementioned ass off :)

Of course instead of doing my schoolwork, I went to read your blog, and I thought that I was the only anit-world Olympic hating BEYOTCH who thinks the whole thing is ridiculous.

I am in for the shopping, and add the level of difficulty of looking good while you are shopping. We're talking all day in the biggest mall you can find in some nice 3 inch heels that make you want to pierce the eye out of the man who invented them with the previously mentioned heel.

Also, I adore the use of stultifyingly and mad Skilz in the same blog. You are officially on my google reader too :)