Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Agony of DEFEET

My feet have been begging to write their own post for quite some time now. For a while, I ignored them but they kept clamoring and whining and trying to get into my brain until, finally, I just gave in and let them write. Figuratively, of course, not literally. Because. You know. They can't actually type. And when I finally let them speak, it was with a Jamaican accent. I am so very sorry.

Mon. We do NOT like dis Winter. Dis Winter, she is very bad. Dis Winter, she is cold and wet and uncomfortable. Dis Winter make us very unhappy.

We been stuffed into snow boots.

We been smothered in hot slippers.

We been covered in de socks every single day.

Dis not make us happy, mon. Defeet like de Summer much better. De Summer, she is warm and sunny and happy. Defeet like de Summer. Defeet like to swing from the de side of de pool in de turquoise pool water and walk on de squeaky white sand. Defeet like to have no shoes on. Shoes be bad. Boots be bad. Sandals be good. Bare is de best. Bare be heaven, mon. Heaven.

We been tellin' her we need de pedicure. But she don' lissen. Our polish be chippin' mon. We got de dry, crusty patches. Defeet do NOT like de dry crusty patches. Defeet like to be smooth and pink and pretty. And defeet like de peoples to look at us and think we is pretty. We is a little vain, mon. Yes we is.

Good morning, mon! Wake up! Today be de pedicure day.

It be Spring, mon. Spring! Dis be very good time to have de pedicure. Time for de bath. De shower be quick, but de shower not be good for taking pictures of defeet, mon. And we do like to have our pictures taken. Yes, we do.

Aaaaah, we like de hot bath.

Now de pedicure. Thass what we talkin' about, mon.

Scrubby scrubby scrubby on defeet be very good, mon.

And lotion. Yes, mon. Defeet like de lotion. And de massage. Yes, mon. Dat be verrah good.

Now de polish. Orange, mon. Orange be good for Spring. Don't we look verrah good? Yes, we do.

Now we be happy, mon. We be verrah happy. If she would just take us shoe shoppin'. Dat would be de best.


LizzyBee said...

OhMyGAWD I think this might be the funniest thing I have EVA seen.

Barbara's Feet said...

Hey Mon! Dat is de life. Get Barbara going to da spa!

Barbara's Feet

Anonymous said...

Dos feet, dey look real good, mon. We feet is jealous.

Anonymous said...

..."go way...don't boddah me...

couldn't resist,


Heather said...

Tis the season, yeah? I went with some girlfriends for a pedicure on Saturday. PLUS, lunch at Texas Roadhouse. Heaven!

Back Nine said...

Give your feet a pedicure, and the next thing they'll want is an hour of reflexology. You gotta be careful handing out all these treats because they have to learn to stand on their own two fe ... nevermind.