Wednesday, November 12, 2008

More About The Manverse

Apparently, I am a genius.

And I don't even know it.

When I wrote the post on Monday about that evil, evil tree, I casually threw out the term "manverse" to explain the universe my husband lives in - a universe that does not recognize the tracked in fall leaves. That term just popped into my head, flowed down my arm and slipped right into that post. I thought that was a word I had read somewhere. I did not realize that I had actually coined it MYSELF until someone made a comment and I searched in on the all-seeing, all-knowing Google. And it does NOT EXIST. At least. Not until now.

As of this moment, I have trademarked this word.

God. I am probably going to be a kazillionaire at ANY MOMENT.

So, I think it is high time we describe the manverse. And all its many, many complex rules. Here's a few. Add some more in your comments.

And I will just wait for the money to come ROLLING IN.

1. In the manverse, dishes automatically go from the table or counter or coffee table into the dishwasher. It's just LIKE MAGIC!

2. In the manverse, you never have to put your trash IN THE TRASH CAN. On top is quite sufficient.

3. In the manverse, steak is the ultimate meal. Basically, you can eat steak for every meal. With potatoes. Because potatoes are a staple in the manverse.

4. In the manverse, if a restaurant has any sort of gimmicks, including but not limited to a patio or any menu items you can't easily pronounce, it is a "chick restaurant". And you would prefer to never eat there. Because they probably don't have steak anyway.

5. In the manverse, you are not napping if you fall asleep on the couch while watching TV. That is just dozing or resting your eyes or pretty much anything except napping. Definitely not napping.

6. In the manverse, there are "chick flicks" and "bazooka flicks". Do I even need to say which one you prefer?

7. In the manverse, you can use the last of something in a box with absolutely no guilt. Because it will automatically be replaced, right?

What can you add to the list?

Now, in all fairness, I must add this. I received my lovely package of goodies for winning the blogging contest the other day and was explaining to Tom that the package was beauty products and he INSTANTLY responded "Baby, you don't need any beauty products. You have natural beauty." And my heart exploded with his niceness. Even though that was a total, out-and-out lie and I have no natural beauty at all. It's all product, baby. SERIOUS product.

Stumble It!


Wep said...

OMG my husband lives there too.

In the Manverse if you DO any housework it is not neccessary to leave the (Insert cleaning tool here, vacuum, cleaner, etc) out when you are finished as a not so subtle reminder that you did something around the house. The clean (insert object, bathroom, carpet, etc) will be evidence enough.

Lizzybee said...

Yes my husband is also a citizen of Manverse. He is incapable of planning anything ahead of time. Meeting friends for dinner? I find out the day of said plans. What time are we meeting? Oh, whenever everyone gets there.

Anonymous said...

Good morning....I feel compelled to reply to your new word "manverse". My favorite one is refrigerator blindness!! Your Dad could go into our refrigerator repeatedly and NEVER find what he was searching for even if it was right in front of his nose. He would always say where in the world is the mustard or whatever he was seaching for and I would come over and reach in and hand it to him. He continued to do this for 62 years....and was always amazed that he had missed said item. I do believe it is a male thing...I have already had it happen to your brother...each time I am amused as I look into said refrigerator and pick up the item they are blinding searching for. It is just one of those male things.

Natalie said...

In my husbands manverse when it is time to clip his fingernails/toenails it is alwaays
"Hey Baby, where are the clippers?"
To which I always respond "In the closet."
"I do not see them."
"Well then they are wherever you put them the last time you used them."

Then there is the leaving his beer bottle tops or can tabs ALL OVER THE PLACE. He is pretty good abuot throwing all other garbage away, but for some reason, these never seem to find the trash can.

Then there is also the laundry. I refuse to let him "fold" mine or Daniels clothes. He does not fold he wads. I have shown him NUMEROUS times how to fold the clothes the way I like...goes in one ear and out the other. Then he also can't seem to get the edges of the towels to match up. Must be some weird gravitational pull around the ones he folds, that will not let the edges meet.

Wow I could go on and on on the manverse.

Lizzybee said...

To Natalie:

I swear Cory does things wrong sometimes just so he can say he "can't do them the way I like them". Just like folding clothes.

Jessica said...

Natalie and Liz--
My husband has ADMITTED to doing things wrong so I won't ask him to do it again. Nice try buddy! I told him never to admit his secrets again, I WILL use them against him. :)

My favorite (or should I say least favorite) manverse rule is: Dirty clothing sitting on the closed laundry hamper, in the floor or on the bed is "close enough" to the dirty clothes hamper.

Barbara said...

Since my husband retired, he spends more time in the universe than the manverse. Now, instead of leaving an empty roll of toilet tissue on the holder, he actually replaces the toilet tissue and puts a back-up toilet tissue in the container by the cammode. He does a lot of other little things around the house as well since he's been retired. However, he still refuses to vacuum -- does he think I love it????? Just because I hate doing a thing doesn't mean I don't have to do it! But that's the universe, not the manverse!

Lucy's Mom said...

Surprisingly, spouses of either sex can sometimes live in the manverse. Mine thinks money grows on trees as in, let's eat out (no dear, we can't afford it)or I need to buy this "thing" for my computer (no dear, we can't afford it)or can I have more pocket money? (no dear, make do with what you have)etc. etc. Head is so in the clouds about the bills, about the groceries, about the utilities, about everything financial. Spouse earns it, I handle it. What did she ever do without me? When asked, response is, "I don't know. I always had plenty of money before I met you." Hmmmmmmmmm........

Lynda said...

I love that term. My husband lives in this manverse, too. I would add more, but I think you hit the high spots :-)

Natalie said...

To Lizzybee:

Thing is he ALWAYS goes with me to do laundry and he gets mad at me when I will only let him fold his clothes.

I also thought of another one....

Nothing gets cleaned around the house until I start cleaning. Then he will jump up and start cleaning the bathroom. Why couldn't you start cleaning? And clean more than just the bathroom? I swear I can clean every other room in our apt and he will still be cleaning in the bathroom.

Natalie said...

Ok I had to share this. I posted a link to this in my blog. This is too good not to pass on!

Nance said...

In the manverse, holiday observances magically happen: Christmas trees suddenly appear, presents arrive wrapped, and birthday cards come with the house when you buy it.

Boo said...

All of these are such wonderful additions to the fabulous, plush life one must live in the the manverse. I would like to visit there just once. Or do some Freaky Friday switch. I'm pretty sure our household would be completely different!

My favorite manverse happening is the ability to forget anything they hear. Selective memory, shall we say. We have to go where? We have to do what? You didn't tell me that. Ummm, yes I did. We had a whole conversation about it. WOW.

Don't forget shopping. I guess in the manverse closets are magically full of clothes. Houses are miraculously decorated. Birthday, Christmas and wedding presents are mysteriously wrapped and ready for all events!

Bobbi said...

Oh goody - now you'll be in the history books! They'll probably show a pix of you with all your shoes!

Granny Annie said...

Congratulations on coining this fantastic word. In the Manverse of our home carpentry work is a snap but replacing toilet paper on the roll is an impossible task.