Monday, September 24, 2007

Not Feelin' The Booty Love

One of the things I used to love with the passion of a hot, wet kiss was visiting the vendor displays at a conference. Not that I actually gave any of them a hot, wet kiss but as I was filling my bag with fabulous booty like free pens and mini candy bars, I felt the equivalent excitement. I used to take the crammed bags home and my kids would spread out the little note pads and squeezable advertising toys and divvy them up. Whatever they didn't want, I took to school to use or to give away to students for prizes.

The last few years. Yeah. Not so much. This year, I wandered through the exhibits picking up various and sundry giveaways but the love was not there. I didn't feel like giving anyone a kiss, hot and wet or dry and closed mouth. And then there was that annoying vendor. You know the one I mean. There's always one. Most speak to you pleasantly, they may even ask if you have any questions or do you want to sign up for a prize? But then there's the one. The one who is annoying, clingy or even downright abrasive. I was leery when I saw that he was wearing a train conductor uniform. Even more when I saw he offered a reading program where he would come to your school to advertise some books he had written which I had never heard of and probably weren't worth the paper they were printed on. But then, as I smiled pleasantly and attempted to walk on by, he stepped in front of me. "Can I tell you about my reading program?" "No,thanks", I said as I attempted to step around him. Instantly, he became annoyed. "What? Don't you have reading programs at your school?" "Um, yes, but..." "Don't you read to your students?" "Well, yes, but..." "Well, maybe you should hear about my program!"

I am woman. Hear me roar. I have looked a Mexican man selling blankets in Tijuana in the eye and said "NO THANK YOU". I was through being polite. I looked him in the eye. I said firmly "I don't think so. Thanks anyway." And I quickly stepped around him and made a quick getaway.

Hey, I'm a professional. I needed to touch base with my book fair rep and I was interested in a poster machine at another exhibit. But, in reality? What gave me the power to literally push him out of the way? I noticed a vendor had a big basket of Ghiradelli chocolates on their table. And they were going fast.

Now that's some worthwhile booty.

On the other hand, I did have fun making a design with my booty for a picture. Oh. That sounds kind of dirty.

But you know what I mean.


Anonymous said...

Looks like you had way too much free time on your hands...