Friday, April 27, 2007

This Is War!

There is no problem that cannot be solved by the use of high explosives.
- Bumper Sticker

Apparently, my kitchen appliances have decided to stage a coup. Needless to say, since they have rather limited mobility, this will involve guerrilla warfare rather than an all-out attack on all fronts. I can only assume that, after Tom and I go to bed, they have whispered conferences something like this.

Dishwasher: Pssst. Hey, you guys? Can you believe she didn't load me after dinner. Look at those dishes sitting there. What a complete pig!

Oven: You! What about me? Look at these crumbs. She didn't even wipe me off. Lazy slut. Too busy in there watching tv to take care of us.

Refrigerator: What are you talking about? Have you SEEN the inside of my vegetable bin? Do you KNOW how long it's been since she has cleaned it out? And don't even get me started on the leftovers in here. I think some of them have been in here since the 80's.

Dishwasher: We have to do something. We have to fight back, I tell you! This means war!

Oven: What do you suggest?

Refrigerator: Well, I can clog up the ice maker pretty well. You know how she loves ice.

Dishwasher: Hah! I can beat that. The next time she opens the door, I'll just snap off the catch for the soap dispenser so she can't wash dishes.

Oven: How about if I fix the clock timer so it will only work if she bangs on the side of me? How would that be?

Refrigerator: That sounds great! OK, men. We have only one life to give for Whirlpool....Shhhhh, I think she's up. Here she comes.

What's wrong with this freaking ice maker? And what happened to the clock timer? Sigh. Well, at least I can clean up a little and load the dishwasher before I leave for work. Augh!!!


Elizabeth said...

You were just saying that you wanted some new bright red appliances... maybe they have answered your prayers!

sarah said...

it is always terrible when someone (thing) gangs up on clearly didn't stand a chance!

Barbara said...

According to Consumer Reports, you have the brand that needs the least repairs. You must have really made them mad! According to Consumer Reports, if they were made before 2001, replace them because you will save enough energy to make it worth your while.

Lucy's Mom said...

I love your sense of humor.

Nikky said...

I think YOUR appliances have sent emails to MY laptop, who then proceeded to whisper to my furnace... it's mutany, I tell ya!
My laptop went goofy, and my furnace pump went out...
talk sweet to them, and maybe they'll come around, otherwise, kick 'em to the curb and replace them!