Monday, April 23, 2007

Flatulence Forces Plane to Land

News Story: Tuesday, December 5, 2006 NASHVILLE, Tenn. - It is considered polite to light a match after passing gas. Not while on a plane.
An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.
The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.
The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.
"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."
The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

Uh...yeah. I should have lit a match, I guess. I highly recommend the spicy black bean burgers from Morning Star Farms. Also the new Fiber One bars from General Mills. They are both delicious. But what I do NOT recommend is having the burger for lunch, with a Fiber One bar for dessert. Then, getting a little peckish and having another Fiber One bar in the afternoon for a snack. This, apparently, is just a LITTLE too much fiber for one set of intestines to digest without producing some...how can I say this politely...flatulence.

Luckily, it didn't really set in until I arrived at home. Lucky for me, not for Tom. Having to explain the uncontrollable gurgles from my stomach and the other indescribably unpleasant sounds emanating from another area would have been difficult with my kindergarten students.

As we sat viewing television at home and a ridiculous number of trumpets, wheezes, whistles, and blats kept emerging from my area of the family room, Tom turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Do we have some intestinal difficulty this evening?" he inquired.

Uh, YEAH. Yeah, we do.

5 comments:

Nikky said...

Oh, I think we all go through that, as much as guys would like to lie to themselves and say that girls don't do that... um, YEAH, we do.
Glad Tom was (fairly) decent about it, my hubby is obnoxious about it when it happens to me!
(Pot calling the kettle black, if you ask me!)

Anonymous said...

I do not recommend the black bean burger from Chili's - yuck! And I do not recommend after having a black bean burger for lunch that you follow up with steamed cabbage for dinner. You will get the same results as you described. Not pleasant.
Raggedy Ann

Barbara said...

Seems like the older I get, the more foods there are to contribute to the problem!

Rosanne said...

Two fiber one bars in one day! You are a brave woman. They would have to take me to the hospital. I've given them up entirely until I grow a new colon someday.

Lucy's Mom said...

Also not a good idea to make a wonderful batch of beanie weenies (one of our favorites), have it for dinner, and then, because it was so wonderful, have it again for lunch the following day. By that evening, The Spouse was ready to leave home. However, she has NO ROOM to talk. She is equally horrible and then giggles about it!! Truthfully though, she is very tolerant only because she has the same problems, only worse, if that's possible. The bedcovers were being lifted off the bed all by themselves that night.