Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Time Is Like Ketchup. Bear With Me Here.

Have you ever tried to get the last little bit of ketchup out of a bottle? When that is all the ketchup there is and you really, truly want that last little bit for your fries because you NEED that last little bit but it drips.out.soooooo.slowly.


That's how time has been for me for the last couple of weeks.

We have been participating in state-wide testing at our school and, even though I'm sure it's very hard on the students who have to read and write and do math and, like, work really hard? It's even harder on ME.

For the last few years, I have been a proctor for the tests which basically involved walking around the room while the students took the test to make sure they didn't go on to Part B when they were on Part A - no! alarms ringing! the end of the world! - and counting down every single minute which lasted approximately 4,921 seconds in testing world.

Because the wooooorrrrllldddd sloooooowwwwssss dooooowwwwnnnn when you are doing nothing but making sure the students don't go on to Part B. Seriously. Each minute lasts that long. You can look at the clock, look away for about 15 minutes, look back and it is STILL ON THE SAME MINUTE. It's horrifying.

But this year? Was even worse. I had to help a darling and sweet little girl for whom English is a second language. I was supposed to paraphrase for her whenever she had a problem understanding something in English on the test. Which is quite simply great that our kids get help when they need it. Only. She didn't really need much help. So I sat there a lot and tried not to look at the clock.

Have you ever tried not to look at the clock when you know time is going really, really slowly? It's impossible, let me tell you.

And then you start playing games with yourself. You are like "When the clock goes to 9:17, I'll go to the bathroom. That will take up maybe 10 minutes." Only. It takes up like 4. Because remember? We are in TEST TIME. When each minute lasts fooorrrreeevvveeeerrr and drags like that last little drip from the ketchup bottle.

Then you put a mint in front of you and you say "In 10 minutes I will eat that mint. In 9 minutes. In 8 minutes." Because by this time? You have actually gone insane with the time slowing down thing.

I'm sure the kids are very relieved that testing is over.

But they can't POSSIBLY be more relieved than me.

And now.

I think I need some fries.


Bobbi said...

LOL! This reminds me of when I was an RN and occasionally had to provide one-on-one care to preeclamptic moms. I had to do vital signs and check reflexes and urine output every 15 minutes. I passed the time by laying out M&Ms for each 15 minutes I had to work - in a 12 hr shift this was 48 M&Ms. Every 15 minutes, I allowed myself one M&M - it was rewarding, but the time still seemed to drag on and on and on ...

Lynda said...

Get some chocolate, too!

Ramblin' Red said...

Howdy stranger....

I can totally relate to this post....long story short, I was recently hospitalized for 12 long days, had emergency surgery, etc., etc..with a newborn and my other 2 kiddos at home mind you. On day 11 I was supposed to go home but had spiked a fever the night before so no dice. The next night however was the Night Before I Could Go Home and I slept just like you detailed watching the clock.

Thankfully I am home now and I hope your proctoring days pass soon!