Cell Phone Elbow

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone and he explains all the features on the phone.
The next day, the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband:
"Hi honey", he says "how do you like your new phone?"
And she replies:
"I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though".
"What's that, baby?," asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"

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No, seriously. I am not making this up. Cell Phone Elbow (Cubital Tunnel Syndrome) is an actual thing. It results from constantly holding a cell phone to the ear. It can cause severe nerve damage and surgery may be the only option.

Heh. Serves 'em right. Annoying, irritating, loud, obnoxious jerks talking about their latest visit to the gynecologist or their cheating brother-in-law in loud voices while filling their cart at the grocery store, shopping at the mall or using the stall next to you in the bathroom. No, I am not kidding. I am so serious. In the bathroom. Although...I did talk on my cell phone once in the bathroom. But Vicki called ME and I had to answer! I didn't actually dial and begin a conversation while in the stall. And let's not even get into the ethical behavior of people who answer their cell phone in the movie theatre. They should be barred from movie theatres anywhere for the rest of their annoying little lives.

I do not have long, private conversations on my cell phone. I make or take a call, talk for a few minutes and then hang up. Why do people have these long, loud conversations in public? And it's not just young people who can't conceive of a life before cell phones, it's individuals of all ages. Remember when you had to wait until you got home to make a phone call? What is so indescribably important that it can't wait? Now, I can see the importance of a cell phone in an emergency. Or even the convenience of a cell phone if you are running late or need to check on the size of that furnace filter your husband wanted you to pick up at the store. But that's it.

And what about the hands-free phones that you see people using now? The first time I saw someone walking around the mall, talking away with nobody even close to them, I backed slowly away. I've been to New York. I've been to Seattle. I know when you see someone walking around, talking to themselves in a normal conversational tone, it's best to just back away. As this person walked away, I saw the wire running from her ear to her pocket and realized she was talking on her cell phone.Whew, that was a close one.

Then we have the new, tiny cell phones that actually fasten to your ear, like the headphone used by Uhura on Star Trek. An earring or possibly a q-tip is the only thing going in my ear, thanks very much.

I love my cell phone. I use it all the time. I panic when I realize I have left it at home. What if someone tried to CALL me? And then I realize, in the overall scheme of things, it's not that important. They will reach me. If it's an emergency, they will reach me. Just like they would have back in the day when we only had phones in our homes. And they were attached to the wall. And they had a rotary dial.

I am so old.