Pretzels And French Fries.

Note: This blog post was written before I went on Weight Watchers with Tom a few weeks ago. I would NEVER eat a mall pretzel now. At least. Not while Tom was with me.



So, I went to the mall the other day. I needed a new watch battery, some bath gel and lotion and had to exchange some sheets. Yes, my life is overwhelmingly exciting. I can see that you are jealous. While I was there, I noticed the pretzel place. I was a little peckish and I had not eaten one of those mall pretzels in months. It may very well have been years. So I bought one with one of those little things of fake cheddar cheese to dip it in. I was excited. Check above for my exciting life. I remembered them as being SO GOOD. Kind of sweet. Great with the cheese.


Y'all?


It was awful. It was freshly prepared and hot but it was very, very salty and tasted a whole lot like that thin cardboard they put into men's shirts to display them. Not that I have actually tasted that. But it tasted like that cardboard LOOKS.


I was so disappointed. And, as I dropped the remainder of the pretzel in the trash and headed for my little red truck to drive home, I mulled over how things change for the worse.


When I was in high school, I had a fish dinner from Long John Silver's for the first time. I had died and gone to heaven. Seafood heaven. People who EAT the seafood, not seafood heaven. I'm sure that heaven for seafood would be much wetter. And there would be no hooks. Anyway. That fish was light, flaky, delicious, melt in your mouth. And I always got the extra crumbs 'cause they were so good. And healthy. Drips of deep fried batter. Yummy. But now when I get the EXACT SAME DINNER, it's kind of...greasy. Kind of tasteless. And the fries? Paugh. It's just not as good.


And, speaking of french fries? What happened to McDonald's french fries? Remember how good they used to be when we were younger? You could go to the drive-though and JUST get an order of french fries, they were so good. Golden, crunchy, hot, delicious. Now. Yuck. They don't salt them, for one thing, which I'm sure is healthier, but they just don't taste as good.


Yeah, I know what you're thinking. It's ME who changed, not the food. That may be part of it. But the food has changed too. And I walked to school in butt-deep snow five miles both way. In my BARE FEET.


Here's what's really ironic. I'm making a sarcastic point with the last paragraph (you got it, right?) but I went to high school in New Jersey. We actually DID go to school in butt-deep snow. A blizzard? Ha! Send those school buses out! The kids will be just fine. And do you know what was in style back then? MINI-SKIRTS. And God forbid you wore warm tights or leggins or sweat pants you could slip off once you got to school. That would not be COOL. So, butt-deep snow. Bare legs. Frozen ass. But I was cool.





Anyway. I may have gotten a little off topic there. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. Food. I don't think it's just me. It's the food. What do you think?

Thar She Blows!

One more story about Puerto Vallarata and I'm done. Really. Unless I think of something else. But that probably won't happen. Probably.



The last morning at the resort, we went to have a leisurely breakfast before the final packing and organizing. As we were scarfing down the last homemade omelets and fresh baked goodies (how I wish I had one of those chocolate croissants at this very moment) when Tom said "Hey, look. There's two whales out there." And pointed out by the rocks at the end of the beach. I was not completely surprised since I had actually seen a couple of whales the day before while lolling by the pool. (Lolling is actually the perfect word here since, after a long weekend of gorging ourselves, we probably resembled whales ourselves.)


They were far out to sea but were clearly discernible as they surfaced and swam by and we watched them as we finished our breakfast.

Let me be clear that both of us clearly saw two whales surfacing and blowing foamy white water over their back. We studied them as we ate, marveling that nobody else seemed to notice them. They were so close to shore! We enjoyed watching them, their fins breaking the water as they dove up and down.

After breakfast, we decided to take a closer look, so I ran up the room for the binoculars. We walked out on the patio, close to where the whales were located.

And then we stopped. And looked at each other. The two whales we had been so avidly watching for the last ten minutes? Were two big rocks out in the water.

No wonder nobody else was excited.

At least it wasn't just me.

Godzilla Becomes Nacho Libre

Luckily, we were not absolutely the worst team at the competition. Another robot fell to pieces as they tried to make him perform. At least, Nacho Libre didn't fall apart on the job. Oh, did I forget to tell you? Godzilla became Nacho Libre after the kids noticed the similarities.

Separated at birth?

When we got to the event, we immediately noticed that Nacho Libre was going to have some stiff competition.

Like this.

And this. Nacho Libre didn't exactly resemble either of these robots.

We had programmed him to complete one task - move the dam across the river. But the students figured out pretty quickly that Nacho's one ability - move forward very quickly and attempt to destroy the village - also gave him the ability to do some other tasks. Our quick-thinking robot wrangler managed to force Nacho to do three tasks before he made a getaway and attempted to use the power lines to take down the city.

So, we didn't lose. In fact, we won!

OK, we didn't technically win the entire competition. And we didn't win for best programmers. Or best in robot design. But we won for MOST INNOVATIVE ROBOT.

I guess they had never seen a robot quite like Nacho Libre.

And probably never will again.

Programming Godzilla

Perhaps I forgot to mention to you that, in addition to being an elementary school librarian, I am also a Robotics Engineer?

What?

I could TOTALLY be a Robotics Engineer. If only it weren't for that pesky math.

Anyway.

I may not be a Robotics Engineer, but I have a group of students who will probably be running the world sometime in the near future. In a moment of bravado and, probably, stupidity, I signed my technology students up to participate in the First Lego League Robotics Competition. In short order, we received several boxes of various sizes which I was way too intimidated to even think about opening. Then, in another short order, we received our student from the local university to help us out. Not even in a box. He just strolled in. Brian is very, very smart. He is also tall, rather handsome and gentle and kind with the students. Several of my fifth grade girls are in love with him. After seeing how he works with the kids, I'm a little in love with him myself.

My technology students can take a pile of Legos which looks like this.

And make them into something that looks like this.

If I had been in charge of putting them together? They would still look like Photo #1. Luckily, all I had to do was walk around and say things like "Oh, you can't get that together? Well, try this piece? Oh, that goes there. Hmmm. I see. OK. Never mind. You are doing a great job!" And then beat a hasty, yet dignified retreat by pretending to help one of the other groups.


We (OK, THEY) had put together most of the components of our village this week, so we decided to try some basic programming with our robot. Our plans went a little...awry.

Our robot.

Our robot, who was merely supposed to move forward, touch a building and then move back, instead became entangled in the power lines, mowed over the trees and one of the cars and partially destroyed the house.


Instead of trying to stop him, my students were rolling on the floor, snorting with laughter. And Brian? Mature, helpful, smart, cute Brian? Was laughing right along with them.


At that point, we christened our robot Godzilla. Since. You know. He was DESTROYING the city.



Even with these cool, new arms, Godzilla still insisted on pushing the dam into the house, instead of over the river. I don't think we are going to win.





Unless there is a prize for destroying the village, rather than completing an assigned task.


Because then. We could TOTALLY win.

They Flew In Perfect Synchronization

There is a flock of crows that lives near where I work. In the early morning and early, dusky evening they fly together over the highway, dipping and wheeling in perfect harmony, like a long-rehearsed ballet.



There are hundreds of them. They fly very close together. But they never touch. When one turns, they all turn in perfect rhythm. It's quite beautiful to watch.



I was watching them last night as I sat in traffic. The sky was pinky navy as the sun went down and they flew overhead, back and forth over the cars lined up. Why can't people work in harmony like that? Why do we have to run into and run over the people around us?



And then I wondered. Because this is how my brain jumps around like a caged, rabid squirrel. Why aren't they dropping loads of bird poo on all the cars? Are they too busy concentrating on flying, on not letting their wing feathers brush against the bird flying inches away from them?



And in the middle of all this philosophical musing, I heard a splat. Then a sploosh. Then a big splonk on my windshield.



And I realized. Even in the midst of their concentration of their perfectly choreographed flights.



They still have time to poo on our cars.



And. I'm done with philosophy for now.

I Should Have Had a Premonition This Movie Would Suck

So, I finally got around to watching "Premonition" with Sandra Bullock. I was SO excited about watching it. This is just my kind of movie as you, my faithful blog readers, know. I love time travel stories and stories about alternate realities and the complications that can occur, so I was all jacked up about seeing it. I popped some popcorn, curled up on the couch in my stretchy velour jogging pants (what? I might jog at some point.) and ordered it up on On Demand(that doesn't sound right but it WAS on On Demand) and settled in for some entertainment.


SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER


Can you BELIEVE that ending?? After she experiences the horror of going through her husband's death SEVERAL (I forget how many; it got a little confusing) times and then finds out he was getting ready to have an affair and realizes how much he means to her and goes to save him. After he has decided he really loves her after all and is not going to have an affair and she runs out of the house in her robe and slippers to intercept him so he won't get decapitated by a runaway truck (And can I say here...eeeeewwwww), and she can SEE HIM in his car and THEY ARE TALKING on their cell phones and she is telling him to get out of the car, get out of the car, get out of the car (And WHY can't he open the door - there is nothing wrong with the car) and then. Right in front of her, the truck plows into his car, apparently decapitating him and, even then, even then, I had hope that he had thrown himself down on the seat to miss decapitation but no. The car explodes into a ball of flame. But even then. Yes, I am an incurable romantic who loves happy endings. Even then I thought maybe he would come staggering around the truck with soot on his face and his shirt torn where he had thrown himself from the car JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME. But no. He's toast. Decapitated toast, apparently.


And that's just not right. OK, they show her pregnant in the end like he gave her a little parting gift before he was decapitated and blown up, but that's just not enough for me. She went through too much. She tried too hard. It was just unbelievable and horrible and JUST NOT RIGHT for him to be blown up. And decapitated. Decapitated. Perhaps I am saying that too may times. But. He was.


I'm changing the ending in my head as we speak. He is staggering out from behind the truck and they hug, right there in the road and he picks her up he is hugging her so hard and one of her slippers falls off in the road and he says "Thank God, Thank God, I didn't think I was going to get to tell you how much I love you. I love you, I love you" and he is kissing her face all over and they are both crying.

Now isn't that a MUCH better ending? Seriously.

Memeology Meme. And Isn't THAT Hard To Say.

OK. A new meme.

FOODOLOGY
Q. What is your salad dressing choice? A. Blue Cheese

Q. What is your favorite Fast Food Restaurant? A. Chick Fil-A

Q. What is your favorite sit down restaurant? A. Ramsey's

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? A. 15% usually

Q. What food could you eat for two weeks and not get sick of? A. Chocolate

Q. What is your favorite type of gum? A. Bubble Gum


TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer? A. Pictures of my grandson

Q. How many televisions are in your house? A. 3



BIOLOGY
Q. What’s your best feature? A. My teeth/smile

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? A. Just my children!


Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? A. Eyesight


Q. When was the last time you had a cavity? A. A couple years


Q. What is the heaviest thing you’ve lifted? A. A suitcase


Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? A. No



BULLSHITOLOGY

Q. If it were possible would you want to know the day you are going to die? A. Absolutely not. Would anyone??


Q. Is love for real? A. Of course


Q. If you would change your first name what would you change it to? A. Katie


Q. What colour do you think looks best on you? A. Jewel bright colors


Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? A. Yes. Bugs.


Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life? A. No


Q. Has someone ever saved yours? A. No



DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you walk naked for a half a mile down a public street for $100,000? A. Maybe...


Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? A. Sure


Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? A. No!

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000.00? A. No. Maybe a million...


Q. Would you pose nude in a magazine for $250,000.00? A. Maybe...if tasteful


Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000? A. No


Q. Would you, without fear of punishment take a human life for $1,000,000.00? A. Never. God would punish me!


Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000.00? A. No.


Q. Give up myspace for $30,000.00? A. Absolutely. Never use it!



DUMBOLOGY
Q. What is in your left pocket? A. Nothing - I have on a robe.


Q. Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie? A. Haven't seen it.


Q. Do you have hardwood floors or carpet in your house? A. Both.


Q. Do you sit or stand in the shower? A. Stand. Who sits in the shower??


Q. Could you live with roommates? A. If I had to.


Q. How many pairs of flip-flops do you own? A. Depends on your definition. I have a lot of slides.


Q. Last time you had a run-in with the cops? A. Uh...never?


Q. What do you want to be when you grow up? A. A world traveler and super grandma.



LASTOLOGY

Q. Last friend you talked to? A. Nancy, by email. Vicki and Barb over dinner.

Q. Last person you called? A. My son.


RANDOMOLOGY

Q. First place you went this morning? A. To school.

Q. What can you not wait to do? A. Right now? Watch Private Practice on our DVR.

Q. What’s the last movie you saw? A. The Fountain.

Q. Are you a friendly person? A. Yes. But shy.


I tag everyone who is reading! Show us what ya got.

Advice On How to Have a GREAT Holiday Weekend

How to have a GREAT Holiday:

1. Have your sewer drain back up and flood the finished basement.

2. Call Stanley Steemer to come clean the carpet. They promise to extract the water and THEN clean the carpet.

3. Apparently, this information does not transfer from the person who dispatches the cleaners to the actual cleaners themselves.

4. They clean the carpet.

5. We look at each other, shrug our shoulders and assume they know what they are doing.

6. We are SUPREMELY STUPID. They do not know what they are doing.

7. The carpet begins to smell like mold in about 24 hours.

8. Call Stanley Steemer again.

9. They come. These guys (new guys) recommend to Tom (I am not home) that we install new carpeting and replace all the drywall. Basically just redo the basement. They can't do anything about it. They are blameless. They are clueless. They are brainless.

10. Tom calls me on my cell phone.

11. Suggests I go into "bitch mode" with Stanley Steemer. To whom we paid $270 to fix the problem. Which is not fixed.

12. I do so. Dude. I am seriously good at going into "bitch mode."

13. The manager of Stanley Steemer comes to our house (on the evening before Thanksgiving. They DO get points for this.) and pulls up the carpet and leaves a dehumidifier.

14. Which creates an airflow of approximately 105 degrees.

15. No, really.

16. That's what he told us.

17. And we still will have to replace the carpet pad.

18. I'm not sure if we would have had to do that if they had extracted the water first.

19. And I can't think about that.

20. I'm too mesmerized by this dehumidifier the size of a jet engine we have in our basement. Until Saturday. Notice the toilet paper fluttering in the 105 degree breeze.


Monday update. The jet engine is now gone. And our basement smells lovely. Now we just have to pay someone to replace the pad and tack our carpet back down. The joy never ends, does it?

For Fun Friday

It's heeeeeeere. If you are planning on doing some Chrismakwanzaahanuka shopping on this lovely Black Friday, you might want to check out Amazon. They are having hourly deals and it looks like they might have some good bargains. If you enter through this link, I will earn some pennies for whatever you spend. Someone's gotta shop. Might as well be you. http://www.amazon.com/b/?node=384082011&tag=iknwhyocafiit-20

And now.

Who thinks up these shows in Japan? Seriously.

Human Tetris

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=1366142&fr=&cache=1


How pure are you? I was PRETTY DARN PURE. And enough about that.

http://www.blogthings.com/howpureareyouquiz/



You may not be able to walk on the moon, but you can at least send your NAME into space.

http://www.kysat.com/Dynamic/FlyMyName/Signup.cfm



How may clicks will it take you to get these numbers in order? I'm not saying how many it took me. OK, I couldn't actually do it. But I could, given enough time. Like a century.


http://www.gizdic.com/freegames/gamespages/puzzle.htm

The Perfect Meal

And again. If you are planning on doing some Chrismakwanzaahanuka shopping on Black Friday, you might want to check out Amazon. They are having hourly deals and it looks like they might have some good bargains. If you enter through this link, I will earn some pennies for whatever you spend. Someone's gotta shop. Might as well be you.

http://www.amazon.com/b/?node=384082011&tag=iknwhyocafiit-20





And now, the actual post. Truly.


I was reading this book the other night that was talking about the perfect meal. The absolutely perfect meal. And it asked what was YOUR perfect meal? I thought of several. Shrimp burgers on the beach in Pensacola. A local fish speciality in Isla Mujeres where Tom and I sat at a table inches from the beach. A chocolate souffle to die for on one of our cruises. Oh. I guess that's not technically a meal. Well, it totally should be!

And then I remembered. It was not the perfect meal. But it was with the perfect person.

Tom and I had gone downtown for the Fourth of July parade. We bought hot dogs from a vendor and sat down on the curb to eat them. They were not very good. Overcooked. The buns were dry. The sidewalk was hot and dirty and my butt was hurting. In between bites, I was complaining. Loudly. Annoyingly. Just then, a small dog rushed up and peed on the curb right by where we were sitting. We both looked at each other with our hot dogs halfway to our mouths.

And unhesitatingly Tom said "Well, the food may not be good but the AMBIANCE is great."

I laughed hysterically.

And remembered once again why I LOVE this man.


I hope everyone is having a perfect meal on this special day when we give thanks for our many, many blessings.

So, what was your perfect meal?