Just Like A Pair Of Old Blue Jeans

Today is the first day of school AND my 30th wedding anniversary. Needless to say, we won't be indulging in a wild, drunken celebration this evening. Like we TOTALLY do that all the time. (She snorts with laughter, possibly snorting a little Caffeine-Free Diet Mountain Dew out her nose.) I'll probably collapse on the couch when I get home and maybe manage to summon enough energy to, just possibly, pick up the phone and order some dinner. Then we will probably watch us some Stargate. Another exciting evening at the home of Mrs. Who.


30 years. Wow. That's a lot of time. And it has FLOWN by. It really has. Life has a way of doing that. Just flying by so fast. Sometimes you wish it would slow down for just a moment, so you can enjoy and just relish that special moment a little longer. But there's always another one of those coming along if you are patient.


I have done some thinking about marriage with the arrival of this 30th anniversary. And here's what I have decided.


Marriage is like a pair of blue jeans. Bear with me.

When we were first married, marriage was like a brand new pair of jeans. Kinda stiff, kinda uncomfortable, kinda...annoying. They didn't fit quite right yet. We had to bend and stretch and wash them hundreds of times and wear them and train them to fit our butts just right. But now they do. They fit just right. Just perfect. I would not want a new pair of jeans. I love my jeans. They are, quite simply, the best pair of jeans I have ever had.


And I think I'll wear them for another 30 years.



Happy Anniversary, Baby. I love you.

I Could Have...

First thing - I was reviewed at Ask and Ye Shall Receive today. Got an average review. I was prepared to be slaughtered, so that's OK.

I was reading my sister's blog the other day and she had a meme with eight things about her. The one that got me to thinking was the one about her dogs. My family was always a bunch of animal lovers. My brothers and my sister all have animals and even my children and my nieces all have animals. Tom and I are just about the only ones that don't have animals. I had dogs and cats when I was younger and I even had a cat when we got married. But Tom has allergies and is simply not an animal lover, so that's something that was just put aside. At this point in my life, I am fine with it. We find ourselves traveling a lot and I have my house fixed the way I want it and, frankly, I'm a little too fastidious to have animals in my home now. I cleaned up dog poop and cat vomit for years and thought nothing about it but now I don't really want to deal with that.

But, here's the thing. It got me to thinking about how my life might have been different if I had married someone who loved animals.


One of my favorite movies is Sliding Doors, with Gwyneth Paltrow. The basic premise is that she catches the train and her life turns out one way; she doesn't catch the train and her life turns out a completely different way. One tiny event. Big changes. I think about that often, how a person's life could be so different.


I could have had animals if I had married someone who loved animals. We would have dogs and cats in our house, I am sure of it. I would love them and deal with them and I wouldn't think anything about it. We would have just always had animals and my life would not be any different. I would not know it could be any different.


I could have camped and owned an RV if I married someone different. One of my good friends and her husband own a big RV and travel the country in it. Tom and I were talking about it the other night and just laughed at how awful it would be. We like hotels. We like flying. But, I camped when I was younger. I can camp. I can cook over a campfire. I could travel in an RV and live in it and cook in it and see the country and I would not know any different. I would have been fine with it.


I could have been more active if I had married someone who enjoyed that. I never really liked organized sports but I could have hiked and run and learned archery, although I would never, in any of my lives, have done sky-diving. Although, who knows. Maybe I wouldn't be afraid of heights in another life.


I could have been a gardener if I had married someone who liked gardening. I could have a vegetable garden and a flower garden for cut flowers and I could have canned vegetables for the winter. If I had someone who was into that.


There are probably other things I could have done. Would have done if I had married someone else.

But here's the important thing. The things that I did, the life that I chose, the man that I married - have all made me the person I am today. I don't have animals but I have the children he lovingly gave me and raised with me. (Yes, they also involved quite a bit of poop and vomit clean up.) I don't go camping or travel in an RV, but we fly around the world and cruise and I have seen an iceberg and climbed a waterfall. We don't camp but we have stayed in a luxury hotel in New York City and a Victorian bed and breakfast in Seattle. We are not very active but we enjoy movies and TV and the computer. Together. And we are are going to get active. Very soon. We keep promising each other. I don't have a garden or plant flowers but that's mainly because I'm lazy. Not because he is not remotely interested in that.


So, it's interesting to think about. I could have done a lot of things differently if I had married someone else.

But then. Here's another thing. So could he. He could come up with his own list of things he could have done differently. But I'm really glad he did things the way he did. And married me. I wouldn't change a thing. Even if I could.

Everyone is Divorced

Everyone I know is divorced. OK, that may be a slight exaggeration. But not by much. It seems like everyone I know is either divorced, married for the second (or third, or fourth...) time or is in the process of getting a divorce. Most of the people I work with have been divorced. One teacher at my school recently went though a bitter, hurtful divorce that will affect the rest of her life. Most of my friends are divorced, some after years and years of marriage. 20 years. 30 years. Some are remarried. Some are alone and looking for someone special. I hope and pray they find that person. Some have quit looking and say they will never marry again. They have been too hurt. They are not willing to face that possibility again.


I went to get my hair cut and colored and streaked the other day (God, what we go through to look beeyootiful) and, when I asked my hairdresser about her annual trip to the Jersey shore, she quietly said they wouldn't be going this year. Just being chatty and friendly, I wondered aloud why they weren't going, they had gone every year, I knew she loved it there. And she replied that she and her husband were getting a divorce. After 14 years. It was a complete surprise to her. She's pretty sure there is someone else. He denies it. But he has been on a LOT of hunting trips, weekend trips where she can't reach him and long weekends away with lame excuses and working late and...well, I think she's right.


I have been at a technology conference the last couple of days and I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a couple of years and how are you and what's new and how's your family and your husband...oh. Divorced. And he's remarried. Oh. Sorry. So sorry.


I can't imagine being divorced. I just can't imagine. Tom and I have had our ups and downs and I have yelled at him and I even, back in the old days before kids, dumped a pitcher of kool-aid in his lap one time. But we worked it out. We have never, even at the worst of times, come seriously close to divorce. Divorce has never been mentioned. We just...work things out. We yell. We talk. We laugh. We make up. We go on. We each have our own faults. (him MUCH more so than me, of course) But, we enjoy being together. We like the same things. And we have our own interests as well. We love our family. We have so many plans for the future. Retirement. Lots and lots of travel. Time with our family. We have so many shared experiences. So many shared memories. A word, a phrase, a sentence, can bring back a memory and make us laugh, share a glance, shake our heads. I can't imagine starting all over again with someone else. I can't imagine.


He knows I interrupt him in the middle of his sentences. He doesn't mind. He knows I am overweight. He doesn't mind. He knows I figure out the end of movies and often blurt it out to him. He doesn't mind. (well, he does but he lives with it) He knows I need to shop, need to eat out with my friends, need to spend time with other people sometimes. He doesn't mind. I went out with my friends for dinner just the other night. As I left, he said to have fun. Have fun. That's pretty nice. I'm pretty lucky. I try to tell him that often. That I'm lucky. That I love him. That I appreciate him. Sometimes I forget and it's not until I find out someone else is getting divorced that I remember to tell him.


I need to tell him more often. That I'm lucky. That I love him. That I appreciate him. Because I do. All the time. Even when someone else is not getting divorced.