If You Give The Librarian A Bagel (With Apologies to Laura Numeroff)

If you give a librarian a bagel, she is going to want some cream cheese.



If you put cream cheese on the bagel, she's going to want a plate.



If you take the bagel with cream cheese on a plate to eat in the car on the way to work, she will want to balance it on top of the glass container of salad you are taking to work to share for lunch.



If you go around a corner JUST a little too sharply, the bagel plate will begin to slide towards the passenger door.



If you try to catch the bagel on a plate with one hand while driving with the other, your fingers will just catch the edge of the plate, but then it will sliiiiiiide off the salad container and plop down between the seat and the passenger door.



If you pull over and open the passenger door to try to rescue your breakfast, the plate will tip over and dump the bagel neatly onto the pavement at your feet.



If you feel very, very annoyed that your raisin cinnamon bagel with cream cheese is now bird food, cheer up.



School has not started yet. You can be a little late. You can get a cinnamon roll with icing on your way to work. You immediately cheer up.



If you give a librarian a cinnamon roll. Well...she's pretty happy. And she won't want that old bagel.



But if you give a librarian a bagel with cream cheese. Put it on a napkin. Maybe it won't make an escape that way.

Egg Makes Break For Freedom: News at 11

We usually have a big, hot breakfast on the weekends. During the week, I leave for work before Tom and we each normally have something quick and easy. So we enjoy a hot breakfast on Saturday and Sunday. Sunday morning, I put on some country ham to fry, set the bread in the toaster ready to toast and got the eggs out of the refrigerator. I took out the ham, sprayed the frying pan with Pam and cracked one of the eggs.

Then it happened. The GREAT ESCAPE. I cracked the egg like I always do, gently on the counter, and the entire egg SLITHERED from the shell, completely intact. It landed halfway on the counter and halfway to the stove, right across the seam which separates the two. For a moment, I stood, dumbfounded. I have never seen an egg do that. Some of the white might slip out of the shell or a couple of drips might escape, but never an entire egg. While I was staring at it, it quickly began to slide into the seam between the stove and the counter. It was like some gelatinous, alien entity, making an escape. I dropped the shell and began scrabbling at the slimy mass with both hands, trying to keep it from sliding completely down into the crack. It was determined. Slipping between my fingers, some of it oozed down the crack. With the fingers of one hand (ewwww...it's getting under my nails) I kept pushing it back and with the other hand, and reached for the paper towels with the other hand. Further...further...ha, got one! I smooshed the paper towel into the egg and began the cleaning up process.

It took several paper towels, including one wet one to completely clean up the mess, before the area was again free of oozy aliens. I guess I'll have to pull the stove out later and get the part that escaped. I just hope it can't recreate itself from the part that oozed away. What, you haven't seen any science fiction movies?

I'm looking forward to lunch. How much harm can a tuna sandwich do?