"Cause Lipstick On Your Collar Told a Tale On You, Boy"

Yeah, I'm just messin' with you. But I bet you don't know what song those lyrics are from without checking on the big bad Google.


Anyway. About lipstick. I am having issues. Serious issues. Not as serious as finding a bra that fits AS WELL as having attractive panties that match, or locating a pair of jeans that doesn't make my ass look any larger than it already is, or purchasing a bathing suit that completely covers said ass instead of leaving a white, dimpled part of it to hang out and wobble as I walk, but still...serious. I CANNOT find a reasonably priced, pretty color lipstick that will actually stay on for more than two milliseconds and not cause my lips to dry up so much that I feel like I am stranded in the center of the burning sands of the Sahara in mid-Summer.


I keep purchasing lipsticks. And then after using them a few times, I throw them away. Stupidly, I keep buying them at the grocery store by looking at the color through the clear plastic cover and actually thinking it is going to look like that on my lips. Apparently, my lips have a tendency to turn most lipstick colors to a dark purple which would very attractive on, oh I don't know, an alien from another planet? I actually broke down and bought some rather expensive Aveda lipstick at a spa recently that is so dark, I look like I should slip on that rather tight blue jean skirt that hasn't fit me in years (but I'm sure it will just as soon as I lose about 30 pounds) and go stand on a street corner downtown. With thigh high black patent boots.


I know I can theoretically return that lipstick and exchange it for another color, but who has time to do that? I'd rather just buy another tube at the grocery and throw it away a day later. Much more productive use of my money than just tossing the money itself directly in the trash can.


I tried some Cover Girl lipstick and gloss that Liz had recommended because it was supposed to stay on for a long time. First, you spread on this lipstick from one end of the tube which dries your lips out so much that you have to spread this gooey gloss over it. The lipstick dried out my lips so much that they were actually forming little, flaky balls of skin that I could rub off on a tissue. And the gloss was roughly akin to spreading melted chicken fat on your lips. Not a pleasant sensation. Into the trash can with you!


Several years ago, I worked with a girl who wore the most perfect lipstick. She was classy and cool and sophisticated. She was so cool that she had the coolest name I have ever heard - Sundae. Isn't that just the coolest? She wore this creamy, perfect lipstick that was just a shade darker than her lips, the most fabulous pinky mauve color. I always wanted to ask her about her lipstick but I was just too intimidated by her fabulousness. Man, I wish I knew the name of that lipstick.


Surely there can't be that many people named Sundae. Maybe she will find this blog post. Maybe she will email me and tell me the name of that lipstick.


Sundae? Sundae, are you there?