Oh, THAT? That's Just Homemade Bread.

This is the kind of thing that happens when I don't spend all my free time curled in the recliner with my eyes glued to the TV screen, completely involved in the lives of FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. I'm not saying that TV viewing does not have it's important place in my life because it TOTALLY does. But it's amazing what I can get done when I, for example, TURN OF THE TV. Like homemade bread.

I bought a breadmaker a few years ago and use it intermittently but what I really didn't like about it was 1. it made the bread a weird shape and 2. the bread was never really that good, no matter how many recipes I tried. So I was browsing through some gourmet recipe sites the other day looking for some gourmet recipes to prepare for dinner...OK, I just happened to stumble on the website, OK? And this woman who seems to be, like a GODDESS of breadmaking, mentioned that it was actually best if you used your breadmaker to just make DOUGH, then take it out and bake it in a bread pan.

Huh. So that's what that dough setting is for. I liked this idea, so I printed out one of her recipes for oatmeal bread and made it. It was easy. The bread machine does the hard work so, basically, you just plump the bread in the pan and let it rise and bake it. Done. Now, just fluff a little flour on your nose, stagger in the living room and announce that you have made HOMEMADE BREAD and, OMG, are you fabulous or what?

I would give you the recipe but I have made the bread three times now and, each time, I make it a little different. It's good but I want it to be sweeter, chewier and denser. So I keep adding things like maple syrup and brown sugar and more oatmeal and messing with it and it gets better and better. And, I guess I added a lot of ingredients this last time because it's technically supposed to make one loaf and it ballooned out into two. No problem. More bread for us! Once I have it perfected, I'll share the recipe. In between nomming down on bread smeared with butter. Oh, the diet? Oh, yeah. I'll have an apple with it. And that will balance out the calories. Right? Right?

Things You Don't Hear Much Any More

1. Your slip is showing.

2. I tried to call, but your phone was busy.

3. I would have called, but I couldn't find a pay phone.

4. Can you get up and change the channel, please?

5. Oh, we wanted to see that TV show last night but missed it. What happened?

6. Just save it on that floppy disk.

7. We decided to drive instead of fly because gas was so cheap.

8. I was busy all morning baking bread.

9. You can heat it up in the oven for about half an hour.

10. Where's your popcorn popper?

11. Why don't we all meet at my house for coffee and homemade cake tomorrow morning, since the husbands will all be at work?

12. Come in for dinner when the street lights come on.

13. We never lock our doors.

14. Fill 'er up, Ma'am?

15. I've got ten bucks. Want to go to the movies and get some popcorn and cokes?

And what haven't you heard in a while?