But Does It Suck Like A Dyson?

We have a Rainbow vacuum cleaner. We bought it a looooong time ago when somehow, some way, we got roped into a home demonstration and were so enthralled with a vacuum that sucked the dust and crap into water! that you could throw away! that we had to immediately buy it. Even though we were TECHNICALLY not the sort of people at that point who could AFFORD an expensive vacuum cleaner, you can pretty much buy ANYTHING if you can make a minimal payment every month. We could easily make a minimal payment every month.

I love my Rainbow. It's FABULOUS. But. It is a little...unwieldy. A little...bulky. A little...pain in the butt. OK, it's a pain in the butt. You have to get it out, put it together, empty the water, put it back together and store it away.

Now. You know how much I love shoes. You know. But. I think I have a new love. Here it is. Yes, my pet. Yes, my sweetie. Let me just stroke you a little bit. Right there.

It's a Dyson. I have heard of Dyson vacuum cleaners. I have seen commercials on TV and in magazines. But I didn't realize they FOLD UP to to store. And suck up all the dust and crap by centrifugal force and pick up all the pollen and tiny, minute particles in the air and filter them out so the air it expels is cleaner than what it took in. And that it's a WHOLE LOT CHEAPER than the Rainbow. And that you can order them from a website that is super easy to use and that you can even order a handheld Dyson and all the different attachments and you get some free stuff when you do so...wait. I think I'm hyperventilating.

Seriously. Check it out. Although this is the one I put on my Christmas list, they have many different models - even some that are hand-held. And their site is very easy to manuver around. And, yes. I'm getting paid for this post. But I'm truly, honestly excited about the possibility of a vacuum that I don't have to put together to use. That...one more time...FOLDS UP.

Dyson genuine accessories

Google Reader. I HEART You.

If you are planning on doing some Chrismakwanzaahanuka shopping on Black Friday, you might want to check out Amazon. They are having hourly deals and it looks like they might have some good bargains. If you enter through this link, I will earn some pennies for whatever you spend. Think new shoes. New shoes for Mrs. Who. Doesn't it warm your heart?


http://www.amazon.com/b/?node=384082011&tag=iknwhyocafiit-20



And now. The ACTUAL daily post. Not a sneaky advertisement I tried to slip in on you.



Liz has been talking about Google Reader for months. How fabulous it is. How easy it is to use. To read your blogs that way. But I have been resistant. She is my BABY GIRL. My CHILD. Of course, she is married, has a child of her own, has a fabulous job and is, I guess I would have to say, TECHNICALLY a grown-up. But still.

I LIKE reading my blogs. I'm like a little old lady with her crocheting, chuckling quietly as I page through the many, many blogs, ignoring all those young whippersnappers trying to give me advice. Damn it, I KNOW how to crochet. I mean blog. You know I mean blog.

Well. Hee.


Actually.

After my niece blogged about using Google Reader, I thought, Geez these girls are really pretty knowledgeable, maybe, just possibly, I should give this a shot. Even though I LOVE going to the blogs and I LOVE seeing the designs and the banners and the pictures and it's just easy to click on my links, what's the big deal, but OH, MY GOD.

Google Reader is the bomb. THE BOMB. And maybe that expression is outdated but I still like it, so WHATEVER.

You just put in your blogs and it keeps track of them and tells you when they are updated and you don't have to spend, like, an hour clicking on all of them.

Huh. What do you know.

You CAN teach an old dog new tricks.

Horking Haikus

With thanks to Bub and Pie and her post on haikus.



Haiku: A Japanese poem composed of three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables.



Kids don't upchuck in
the library very much
we mostly read books.



But barf does happen
sometimes to my great chagrin
and this was that time.



One kid blew cookies
while working on her robot
made out of Legos.



That wasn't too bad
It's been YEARS since a kid heaved
on rug, table, chairs.



And then the next day
Another sick kid upchuck
lovely episode.



What IS this hurling
epidemic sweeping through
my clean library?



I just hope vomit
does not happen again (please?)
I can't take it thrice.



And, too, did you know?
There are 1592
synonyms for barf?



Yeah. You and me both.
Hopefully, I won't have to
use them once again.

Hey, E COLI! Come On In!

You know what is just the best possible, most relaxing, most wonderful Sunday afternoon EVAH?


1. Put some clothes in the washer and plan to go upstairs to relax with your new "People" magazine.

2. Notice a little water on the floor around the washer. Tell husband. Husband reassures you that's it probably just a little overflow from the drain. It will BE FINE.

3. Have husband get on the intercom and yell that "We have a problem down here!"

4. Go downstairs to find water everywhere. Stinky water. Water soaking into the edge of the carpet from the laundry room, the bathroom and the furnace room.

5. Throw all the old towels on the spreading water. Call Roto-Rooter. Discuss whether the homeowners insurance will cover this after the deductible.


6. Write a check for $250.00 to Roto-Rooter. After they tell you that there are some roots in the sewer line and it will probably get worse. In fact, you should just replace the whole sewer line.


7. Mull over the fact that you could probably go back to Puerto Vallarta for what a new sewer line will cost.


8. Never actually get to read your "People" magazine. Too busy mopping and scouring the floors so your downstairs does not smell like a barn. Full of horses.

But you know what is the most interesting thing about this whole experience? That when I went downstairs and saw this stinking, horrible mess, I did not think "Oh, how horrible!" but instead thought "This will make a great blog post."

And so it did.

For Fun Friday

See if you can get a good picture of Superman. I got pretty good at this!


http://hk.promo.yahoo.com/movie/superman/Stop_Press_Game/

OK, this one is not FUN so much as SCARY. Check it out.
Tuck in Your Shirt!

Do you know which presidential candidate you support? I am so liberal, the guy I ended up with will never be president. See how you do.

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/projects/ongoing/select_a_candidate/poll.php?race_id=13

How's your vocabulary? Check it out - and donate rice at the same time!

http://www.freerice.com/index.php

And finally. If you have a cat. If you have EVER had a cat. You MUST watch this video.

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=1322921&cache=1

Dear Gabby

Note found written on notebook paper with purple marker by the bus lane at my elementary school.


Dear Gabby,

I and Cherelle are NOT your friend forever and tomorrow dont try to be our friend.

P.S. Dont ever call us again cause we are going to hang up on you.

P.S.S. Also dont call us ever ever again not even the next day and the day after that and not for 5 years!!

P.S.S.S. We dont like you.





Email written to Cherelle 25 years later:

Cherelle!

How great to hear from you. How long has it been? I guess close to 25 years since we were in elementary school. Right before my dad was transferred to New York and we moved here. You are right - that WAS a lucky move for me. I met my husband who is the president of a global company. And what a coincidence that you are applying for a job with his company!

What a great job too! The salary is incredible and you get to travel the world. I had no idea that you had been interviewing with one of our vice-presidents and the position had been narrowed down to two candidates. You are so qualified for this position!

In response to your question, I would be HAPPY to talk to my husband about hiring you. In fact, I really JUST CAN HARDLY WAIT until he gets home to talk to him about it. You can count on it.

Love and Kisses,

Gabby

P.S. I have scanned and attached to this message a note you sent me in elementary school.

P.S.S. You should probably count on not getting the job. Also don't call me ever ever again not even the next day and the day after that and not for 5 years!! Or 50.

P.S.S.S. And. I don't like you.

The Fountain Is Full of Doo-Doo

So, have you seen the movie, The Fountain?

You must. Seriously. You must. Because this movie is so bad, so extremely awful, so nonsensical, so convoluted in the story line, so confusing - that I simply must have someone else to discuss it with.

Tom and I rented this one from Netflix last week in the mistaken impression that it was a science fiction/fantasy story about time travel, the quest for immortal life and the power of love being reborn again and again.

Well. Actually. I guess that IS what it is SUPPOSED to be about.

But in reality it is just a mess that makes absolutely no sense. It is supposed to be comprised of three stories about the same couple. Although, I have to confess, until I read the description of the movie online while searching for photos of it to mock endlessly, I did not realize that there were three stories.


Tom and I spent most of the movie trying to figure out what the bald guy who kept lovin' on the tree had to do with the rest of the movie.

Have you seen one of those movies that starts so bad you are really tempted to turn it off but you keep thinking "Wait, surely it will get better!" But then. It never does.


This was JUST LIKE THAT.


"Oh, Hugh! I know I look IDENTICAL TO your wife who you will meet in the future but, in reality, there is absolutely no correlation between the two of us. Aside from the fact that we look alike. But it will take the audience the entire movie to figure that out. And, by then, it will be too late to get their money back!"

OK, let's throw in some Mayan legend stuff. Audiences love that. Even though it will make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE in the movie, let's put in a fountain with a tree growing right in the middle of it. And something about eternal life. Definitely eternal life. And hey. Give that Mayan the biggest doodad on his helmet you can possibly find.

"Oh, Hugh! Look! It's some totally made up nebula or something else that has to do with stars that the Mayans worshipped or something and it has to do with eternal life or death or queens who look like women in the future. Or something."

The tree in a golden bubble. Which I totally did not know was supposed to be a spaceship in the future until I read a description of the movie. Who knew?

Oh, Hugh, Hugh, Hugh. We were puzzled too. Who could figure out this movie? Not us.

Hugh. Let me tell you. When you stab that tree and drink the sap, you will not have eternal life. You will fall down and little plants will grow all over you and you will die. I know. I know. It doesn't make sense. You were supposed to rescue the queen and that would influence the future and you could save your wife.

But Hugh. That would have been a movie that MADE SENSE. You are in THIS MOVIE.

Just stab yourself, man. Just stab YOURSELF.

And, Hugh? The next time someone hands you a script? Give me a call. I'll give it a read. And tell you whether to take a pass on this one.

I Forgot

I forgot what it's like to have a two-year old.

I forgot that when he says he doesn't like Ravioli and I give him Ravioli anyway because his mom said sometimes he says no but he really means yes and he won't eat the Ravioli because, yes, he did indeed mean no, and I tell him OK, you eat your carrots and I'll make you some macaroni and cheese and then, because he's two and has no conception of time as we know it in this universe, he thinks that means macaroni and cheese RIGHT NOW and so, hey! he better clear off his high chair so he strong-arms that dinner right off the tray and onto the floor so Ravioli and peas and carrots shoot into the air in quite the display.

I forgot that macaroni and cheese means MACARONI not bow-tie pasta because they are NOT THE SAME THINGS AT ALL and he absolutely is astonished that I would think he is going to eat those ridiculous shaped things which are OBVIOUSLY not macaroni, what's wrong with you?

I forgot that you can't say now as soon as you finish those scrambled eggs Mimi made for you because the Ravioli and Macaroni and Cheese simply didn't cut it, we are going to take a bath and then we'll put on our pajamas and watch Blue's Clues and won't that be fun and that means BOOS COOS RIGHT NOW and then it's a little difficult to explain that no, scrambled eggs NOW, BOOS COOS LATER.

But I didn't forget that when I blow the pinwheel for him after dinner he will laugh out loud every time. Every single time. And that chuckle is bright and silvery and cascades into my heart and lodges there.

And I will make him Macaroni and cheese with macaroni and scrambled eggs or whatever he wants to eat forever and forever and forever.

Tofu Noodles and Chocolate Croissants

OK, we are totally into the diet thing now. Together. We are a team. We are strong and mighty and dedicated and have TREMENDOUS willpower.

At least Tom does.

Me. Not so much.

I am trying to plan menus and eat healthy and try some new, healthier foods. We have become apple connoisseurs and discovered that there are several DIFFERENT KINDS OF APPLES. Who knew? We love Fuji apples and the Honey Crisp apples. We are eating lots of fresh fruit and fresh veggies and grilled meats. We like the Progresso O-Point Soups and we are eating yogurt and sugar free pudding.

Then I read about these Shirataki Tofu Noodles which are 0 points, so I went to the local health food store to find some so we could try them. I bought several items to try and was doing really well, just stockin' up my cart with all this healthy stuff and then I realized.

The health food store has a bakery.

I tried to turn away. Really I did. I told myself I could eat an apple and have a nice, cold bottle of water. Yum! Wouldn't that be so good and delicious and fabulous and...it was no use. I was already walking up the aisle. I had already seen the chocolate croissant.

This was the queen of chocolate croissants. Not only did it have chocolate on the INSIDE, it had chocolate on the OUTSIDE. I...bought it. And then. I ate it in the car. It's not that I was concerned that Tom would see me eat it.

OK. Yes it was.

He is SO GOOD. He has such great willpower. I just couldn't let him know about the chocolate croissant. When I pulled into our neighborhood, I looked down and realized I had croissant flakes all over my clothes. I was frantically brushing them off when I realized his truck was not outside. He wasn't even home yet.

I brushed myself off completely and carried the groceries inside. At least I only bought one croissant. I didn't buy more baked goods to eat later. Just the one. That should buy me some points.

But I had to confess in my blog. Even though he would never know.

The guilt was killing me.

Besides. I think there might still be some croissant flakes in the seat of the car.


Oh, and the Shirataki Tofu noodles - astonishingly good!! Tom is still complaining that I made him eat tofu noodles - but before he knew they were tofu, he said they were really good.

For Fun Friday

My friend Vicki sent me an email with all these cookie recipes, just in time for the holidays. I think I'm going into cookie overload. I wonder how many Weight Watcher points one cookie has...

JUST CLICK ON THE NAME OF THE COOKIE AND BAM, THE RECIPE IS THERE.
1-2-3 Cookies 7 Layer Cookies Allie Nelson's Famous Snickerdoodle Cookies Almond Crescent Shortbread Amish Sugar Cookies Andes Candies Cookies Angel Crisps Angenets Applesauce Cookies Apricot Fold-Overs Aunt Edy's Molasses Crinkles Auntie Linda's Ginger Gems Bakeless Dream Cookies Banana Drop Cookies Best Chocolate Chip Cookies in the World Biscotti Biscotti Blueberry Cookies Boiled Chocolate Oatmeal Drop Cookies Bronwnies Brown Sugar Shortbread Brownie Cookies Brownie Delight Brownies Buccaneer Snowballs Buried Cherry Cookies Butter Cookies Butter Nut Balls Butterballs Butterscotch Haystacks C.O.P. Cookies Candy Cane Cookies Candy Cookies Caramel Shortbread Cheesecake Brownies Cherry Buns Cherry Crowns Cherry Winks Chewies Chewy Noels Chinese Chews/Haystacks Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars Chocolate Chip Cookies Chocolate Chip Meltaways Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Cookies Chocolate Christmas Trees Chocolate Cream Cheese Squares Chocolate Crinkles Chocolate Mint Snow-Top Cookies Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies (no bake) Chocolate Snowball Cookies Chocolate Streusel Bars Chocolate Sundae Cookies Chocolate Walnut Crumb Bars Choco-Scotch Crunchies Choose A Cookie Dough Recipe Christmas Crackers Christmas Crunch Bars Christmas Ginger Snaps Christmas Macaroons Christmas Mice Cookies Christmas Shaped Cookies Church Window Cookies Coconut Cookies Congo Squares Cookie in a Jar Corn Flakes Cookies Cornflake Christmas Wreaths Cowboy Cookies (oatmeal) Cream Cheese Cookies with Apricot Filling Crème De Menthe Chocolate Squares Crème Wafers Crescent Cookies Crispy Crunchies Date Nut Balls Date-nut Pinwheel Cookies Diabetic Peanut Butter Cookies Disgustingly Rich Brownies Doodles Double chocolate chip cookies Double-Chocolate Crinkles Eatmore Cookies Eggnog Cookies Elizabeth's Sugar Cookies Elves Quick Fudge Brownies Emily Dickinson's Gingerbread Cookie Recipe Emily's Best Brownies Famous Oatmeal Cookies Firemen Cookies Fluffy Shortbread Cookies Forgotten Cookies Frosted Peanut Butter Brownies Fruit Cake Cookies Fruitcake Squares Fry Pan Cookies Gems Ginger Cookies Ginger Crinkles Gingerbread Baby Gingerbread Cookies with Butter Cream Icing Gingerbread Men Gingerbread Men Ginny's Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Cookies Glory's Golden Graham Squares Glory's Sugar Cookies Gramma Chapman's chocolate coconut drops Grandma Elsie's Zimt (cinnamon) Cookies Grandma J's Butter Cookies Grandma Olson's Parkay Cookies Great Grandmothers Sugar Cookies Gum Drop Cookies Gumdrop Gems Haystack Cookies Ho-Ho Bars Holiday Cereal Snaps Holiday Chocolate Butter Cookies Holiday Raisin Walnut Bars Holly Cookies Hungarian Cookies (Little Nut Rolls) Ice Box Cookies Irresistible Peanut Butter Cookies Italian Cookies Jacob's Peppermint Snowballs Jam Bars Jessica's Famous Brownies Jessie's Chocolate Chip Cookies Jubilee Jumbles Juliet's Peanut Butter Blossoms Jumbo Chocolate Chip Cookies Kentucky Colonels Kiefle (cream cheese cookies with jam filling) Kifflings Kiss Cookies Lacy Swedish Almond Wafers Lemon Angel Bar Cookies Lemon Bars Lemon Cake Cookies Lemon Cream Cheese Cookies Lemon Squares Linzer Tarts Log Cabin Cookies Luscious Lemon Squares M&M Cookies Magic Cookie Bars Melt in Your Mouth Cutout Sugar Cookies Melting Shortbread Meme's Cream Cheese Cookies Milk Chocolate Florentine Cookies Mincemeat Cookies Mincemeat Goodies Molasses Cookies Molasses Forest Cookies Molasses Sugar Cookies Mom Mom's Crescent Cookies Mom-Mom's Ginger Cookies Mom's Nutmeg Sugar Cookies Mom's Old Fashion "Puffy" Sugar Cookies Monster Cookies Moravian Christmas Cookies Nana's Famous Soft Southern Cookies Nitey Nite Cookies No Bake Chocolate Cookies No Bake Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies No Bake Cookies No Bake Cookies No Bake Peanut Butter Cookies No-Bake Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies No-Bake Cookies Norwegian Sugar Cookies Nut Balls Oatmeal Bars Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Nut Cookies Oatmeal Coconut Crisps Oatmeal Cookies Oatmeal Scotchies Old Fashioned Sugar Cookies Ooey Gooey Caramel Chocolate Dunk Ooey Gooey Squares Orange Slice Cookies Parking Lot Cookies Peanut Blossoms Peanut Butter Bars Peanut Butter Blossoms Peanut Butter Cereal Cookies Peanut Butter Chewies Peanut Butter Chocolate Bars Peanut Butter Cookies Peanut Butter Cookies Peanut butter fingers Peanut Butter Reindeer Peanut Butter Surprises Peanut Marshmallow Cookies Pecan Puff Cookies Peppermint Snowballs Peppernuts Persimmon Cookies Persimmon Cookies Petey's Yummy Spicy Almond Thins Pfeffernuesse Pffefferneuse Cookies Pineapple Filled Cookies Pizzelles Potato Chip Cookies Potato Flake Cookies Praline Cookies Praline Strips Pterodactyl Nests Pumpkin Bars Pumpkin Bars Pumpkin Chip Cookies Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies Pumpkin Cookies Queen Biscuits Quick Cookies Raised Sugar Cookies Raisin Filled Oatmeal Bars Raspberry Meringue Bars Really Peanutty Butter Cookies Reese`s Brownies Reese's Peanut Butter Bars Rich Flavor Christmas Cookies Rich Lemon Bars Ricotta Cheese Cookies Royal Almond Christmas Bars Rudolph Cinnamon Cookies Russian Tea Cookies Russian Teacakes Samantha & Kelsey's Chocolate Chip Cookies Sand Art Brownies Santa Claus Cookie Pops Santa Claus Cookies Santa's Butterscotch Melts Santa's Shorts Santa's Special Squares Scotch Cakes Scotch Shortbread Scotcharoos Scotcheroos Seven Layer Cookies Short Bread Cookies Shortbread Skor Squares Snicker Doodle Cookies Snickerdoodles Snickerdoodles Snow Balls Sour Cream Apple Squares Sour Cream Christmas Cookies Special K Cookies Spice Cookies Spicy Oatmeal Raisin Cookie Spritz Cookies Stained Glass Window Cookies Stir & Drop Sugar Cookies Sugar Cookies Sugar Cookies Sugar Cookies Swedish Pepparkakor (Pepper Cake) Cookies Swedish Sugar Cookies Sweet Marie's Swiss Treats Taralle (Italian Cookies) Tea Time Tassies Texas Brownies The Best Shortbread in The World Thumbprint Cookies Thumbprint Cookies Toffee Squares Traditional Christmas Sugar Cookies Traditional Gingerbread Men Cookies Triple-Chocolate Chip Cookies Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookies Vanilla Waffer Balls Walnut Butter Cookies Walnut Crumb Bars White Chip Chocolate Cookies Wild Oatmeal Cookies Will's Famous Apple Jack Cookies Yummy Yummy Peanut Butter Blossoms