What To Do When The Carbon Monoxide Alarm Goes Off. Get Your Purse.

It was pretty exciting around here yesterday. The Stanley Steemer guy was here to clean the carpets but THAT was not very exciting. The REAL excitement began when the fire truck pulled up and three burly firemen hurriedly scrambled off the truck.

Let me explain. The Stanley Steemer guy backed his truck up to the garage to do the carpet cleaning downstairs. I found out later this is a definite no-no. As soon as he had finished cleaning and opened the door to the garage the carbon monoxide alarm went off. I assumed it was the fire alarm and that something about the cleaning had set it off, so I called the alarm company while he left the door open downstairs and got packed up. The alarm company informed me it was a carbon monoxide alarm and the fire department was on the way. And just about that time, they showed up and came striding into the open garage.

I thought it was all kind of silly, just a mistake, everything was fine and then the burliest fireman said, as he held up some sort of gauge "The levels in here are lethal. Exit the building immediately, Ma'am."

And I, being the quick thinking in an emergency person that I am, replied "Uh. Let me get my shoes".

Now, lest you think that I am a COMPLETE idiot, I did not even consider grabbing the two new pairs of shoes that were sitting in my living room. Well. Maybe for a minute. I just meant let me put on some shoes, since I was barefoot. But he hustled me right out of there. I did manage to snag my purse on the way out the door.

I'm not sure why. My cell phone was still on the charger. The best I could have done was possibly apply some lipstick. I didn't. But I could have. Because I HAD MY PURSE.

So, they set up fans and opened the windows and aired out the place while I sat on the porch with my purse and waited. I still thought they might be overreacting just a tad, so after they finished and told me everything was fine, just leave the windows open for an hour or so because there were still pockets of carbon monoxide, I casually asked the burliest fireman "What would have happened if the alarm had not gone off? If I had gone down to do laundry or watch a movie down there?"

He leaned forward seriously and said "Ma'am. If you went down there and fell asleep. You WOULD NOT WAKE UP."

And I forgot all about shoes and purses and having to sit outside in the hot sun for half an hour and trying to write a funny post about this in my head and I just thanked God for our alarm system. Thanked God.

If you don't have a carbon monoxide alarm, you should immediately go out and purchase one. Google informs me that 500 people die every year from carbon monoxide poisoning in the United States.

Check out my Herald-Leader blog post for today: Another Secret Neighborhood Park

Advice On How to Have a GREAT Holiday Weekend

How to have a GREAT Holiday:

1. Have your sewer drain back up and flood the finished basement.

2. Call Stanley Steemer to come clean the carpet. They promise to extract the water and THEN clean the carpet.

3. Apparently, this information does not transfer from the person who dispatches the cleaners to the actual cleaners themselves.

4. They clean the carpet.

5. We look at each other, shrug our shoulders and assume they know what they are doing.

6. We are SUPREMELY STUPID. They do not know what they are doing.

7. The carpet begins to smell like mold in about 24 hours.

8. Call Stanley Steemer again.

9. They come. These guys (new guys) recommend to Tom (I am not home) that we install new carpeting and replace all the drywall. Basically just redo the basement. They can't do anything about it. They are blameless. They are clueless. They are brainless.

10. Tom calls me on my cell phone.

11. Suggests I go into "bitch mode" with Stanley Steemer. To whom we paid $270 to fix the problem. Which is not fixed.

12. I do so. Dude. I am seriously good at going into "bitch mode."

13. The manager of Stanley Steemer comes to our house (on the evening before Thanksgiving. They DO get points for this.) and pulls up the carpet and leaves a dehumidifier.

14. Which creates an airflow of approximately 105 degrees.

15. No, really.

16. That's what he told us.

17. And we still will have to replace the carpet pad.

18. I'm not sure if we would have had to do that if they had extracted the water first.

19. And I can't think about that.

20. I'm too mesmerized by this dehumidifier the size of a jet engine we have in our basement. Until Saturday. Notice the toilet paper fluttering in the 105 degree breeze.


Monday update. The jet engine is now gone. And our basement smells lovely. Now we just have to pay someone to replace the pad and tack our carpet back down. The joy never ends, does it?