Time Is Like Ketchup. Bear With Me Here.

Have you ever tried to get the last little bit of ketchup out of a bottle? When that is all the ketchup there is and you really, truly want that last little bit for your fries because you NEED that last little bit but it drips.out.soooooo.slowly.

Yeah.

That's how time has been for me for the last couple of weeks.

We have been participating in state-wide testing at our school and, even though I'm sure it's very hard on the students who have to read and write and do math and, like, work really hard? It's even harder on ME.

For the last few years, I have been a proctor for the tests which basically involved walking around the room while the students took the test to make sure they didn't go on to Part B when they were on Part A - no! alarms ringing! the end of the world! - and counting down every single minute which lasted approximately 4,921 seconds in testing world.

Because the wooooorrrrllldddd sloooooowwwwssss dooooowwwwnnnn when you are doing nothing but making sure the students don't go on to Part B. Seriously. Each minute lasts that long. You can look at the clock, look away for about 15 minutes, look back and it is STILL ON THE SAME MINUTE. It's horrifying.

But this year? Was even worse. I had to help a darling and sweet little girl for whom English is a second language. I was supposed to paraphrase for her whenever she had a problem understanding something in English on the test. Which is quite simply great that our kids get help when they need it. Only. She didn't really need much help. So I sat there a lot and tried not to look at the clock.

Have you ever tried not to look at the clock when you know time is going really, really slowly? It's impossible, let me tell you.

And then you start playing games with yourself. You are like "When the clock goes to 9:17, I'll go to the bathroom. That will take up maybe 10 minutes." Only. It takes up like 4. Because remember? We are in TEST TIME. When each minute lasts fooorrrreeevvveeeerrr and drags like that last little drip from the ketchup bottle.

Then you put a mint in front of you and you say "In 10 minutes I will eat that mint. In 9 minutes. In 8 minutes." Because by this time? You have actually gone insane with the time slowing down thing.

I'm sure the kids are very relieved that testing is over.

But they can't POSSIBLY be more relieved than me.

And now.

I think I need some fries.