First Day In Paradise or How To Get Totally Snockered On Free Corona

Hola! Buenos Dias! Buenas Tardes! Buenas Noches! Mojitos! Tacos! Oh, sorry. I'm still on PUERTO VALLARTA VACATION MODE!!! But we are BAAAACK and I need to share every, single, little detail with you, my faithful readers, and then the experience will become really real. First, just let me say that I hope you appreciate your faithful blogger and all the blogging I had to do in between the many, many, many bouts of eating we experienced. And I'm not talking about sitting down and typing out a few words. NO. We didn't TAKE our laptop. So I had to engage in some serious LOW TECH blogging. Like this. But I did it. All for you. Now, for the details about our trip. But first. Before anything else. Before I even tell you about the horrifying experience at the airport. Look at the toilet paper in our room. A golden satin ribbon was tied around it. I am going to immediately do this at my house. Aren't you?

Anyway. All the problems I anticipated in this post? Non-existent. Tom was as excited as I was and he was up before I could even go in and shake him awake. We got a cab, we flew, yada yada, and then we were at the Puerto Vallarta airport. It was muggy and warm, but not unbearable. I had made arrangements online to be driven to the Dreams Resort and Spa by a private company. I had been warned time and again and again by reviewers on Tripadvisor to ignore the timeshare sales people in the airport. So we did. Or thought we did.

We checked in at a desk where they were holding up a sign with our name on it and got a VIP pass for the luxury car that would take us to the resort. Then the trouble began. A guy in some sort of uniform began to take our luggage and put it on a luggage cart. I stopped him. "Are you with Puerto Vallarta Tours?" I asked him. He replied (lied) "Yes." and took us to another desk where a guy spent 10 minutes telling our sweaty, exhausted selves all about Puerto Vallarta while we stood there, waiting for him to lead us to the car. Finally, finally, he mentioned that if we would just look at these condos for just a few minutes...and I realized we had been duped. I told Tom to get the luggage and we just rudely walked away. Finally, after dozens of people screaming at us that yes, they were just the ones we were looking for, we found the correct place and headed for our resort. We drove through the gates into a beautifully landscaped and gorgeous location.
Our room was not quite ready, so we went to have lunch. Right here.

Remember, we were hot, and tired and thirsty. Very thirsty. When we sat down, Tom confirmed with me that ALL the food and drink were already paid for, correct? Correct. Then, he proceeded to drink three ice-cold Coronas. You have to remember that we are not big drinkers. Far from it. And I can't remember the last time Tom drank three beers. When I asked him if he was OK, he said he was just fine, NOT EVEN DIZZY! Then we stood up. He didn't actually stagger, but he did admit that his head was spinning. That was fine, because we got checked in, took a picture from our balcony...

And then took a serious, long nap. And then had dinner. But dinner actually deserves it's own post. In fact, the food deserves a post of it's own. Check back tomorrow for the food post. And have a snack on hand. You will need it.